


Half-hearted

by kanekiki



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst, Arguing, Crying, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-11 19:04:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19933000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanekiki/pseuds/kanekiki
Summary: "If I'm gonna be loved half-heartedly, I'd rather not be loved at all... You really don't get it, huh?"-plot timeline during Halloween 4





	Half-hearted

_"If I'm gonna be loved half-heartedly, I'd rather not be loved at all... You really don't get it, huh?"_

Ritsu kisses Mao, hard and unexpected from the way Mao gasps into it, in the infirmary bed. Right after taking a nap and waking up next to each other, they got into another argument. _Enough already..._ Ritsu thinks, as they aggressively start grabbing at each other, a push and pull that it's hard to tell whether they want to push each other away or pull each other closer than possible. He wonders how it got here, when the circumstances definitely don't make it seem like that they should be making out right now instead of talking through their problems.

They've fought about too many things this week, one issue after another. First, Ritsu got mad at Mao when he started blaming himself for Ritsu not feeling well, when that wasn't the cause at all. It kind of inadvertently was, from Mao not constantly taking care of him, but that's besides the point. Mao has more important things to worry about besides him now, Ritsu is less of a priority—how many times will he have to repeat himself? He's trying to grow up and stop being so dependent, but Ritsu is the only one trying. Well, maybe it's just Ritsu who has a problem with that, despite being the one to initiate this, heatedly kissing Mao like he would die if he didn't.

Ritsu kind of—really doesn't like when Mao rejects something he wants. Perhaps it's because he's so used to Mao's submissiveness to him, he just doesn't like being told no. He won't say it's Mao's fault for letting people like himself take advantage of him, he guesses, this is to teach a punishment that he needs to stop. A half-hearted resolve in Ritsu's opinion. It's not fair when he wants two contradicting things from Mao. He just wishes Mao wouldn't be stubborn about this of all things.

The second thing they fought about this week.

"You can't pretend we're not together forever, you know."

He's referring the other day how Ritsu cracked a joke about Mao being his husband, Mao immediately shot him down. Jokes like that are usually fine, they're just teasing, but Mao gets huffy and pissed off this time because it was in front of everyone in their units. It actually hurt, a needlepoint sting in his chest seeing him say with it such a cold, impassive face. Even Arashi noticed, it almost made him cry for real, and Ritsu still hasn't been able to let it go since. Ritsu can't even joke or hint about it, can't even tell the other people he cares about, that he's in love with Mao. They've been in love for a long time but only they know that, maybe that's why they've been fighting about every little thing, especially when tensions involving their units are already so high.

"Yeah, I can, because everyone doesn't need to know about it."

Ritsu shuts Mao's mouth with with his own, an open mouthed kiss and hands gripping tightly onto his hips. He can't bare to hear it anymore, Mao telling him no. Maybe he's the stubborn one.

Mao's not so much ashamed of being with Ritsu, not ashamed of being with another guy, but he wants to protect his image of being an idol. They discussed this before it all began. Their relationship like this is better off between them, only, out of the public eye. Ritsu agreed, he couldn't fight Mao's logic on this one, it's smart. If they both wanna make careers of this and if Ritsu is good at being an idol, he can remain in the same line as work with Mao, that's something he can sacrifice. It just pisses Ritsu off how none of their friends can know. They have to know, or have some suspicions in the very least about them, there's no hiding it in their normal interactions that they have some kind of feelings for each other. He thinks the agreement is still in Mao's favor because Ritsu can tell he's embarrassed, still, they haven't actually been in a relationship like this for that long.

They act like they've been like this always though, the way Ritsu slots perfectly in between his legs, the way Mao grips the back of his shoulders and his tongue traces around the roof of Ritsu's mouth.

That's before Mao gets frustrated, pulling away. "Why are you even bringing that up again, I told you before, if we're gonna do this, it's not gonna work unless we're on the same page."

' _It's_ ' as in being together, Ritsu thinks Mao's so cruel for threatening something like that.

"But I can't even hold your hand in front of them—they're not gonna say anything about it." Ritsu whines, to further prove that he's not getting his way.

"I don't care—if you did that, they'd immediately find out. We're unit rivals, above all. And honestly, the rest of knights are the last people I want to find out about us." He says in between little heaves for breath, getting more annoyed by the second.

Ritsu feels the frustration bubbling inside of him, ugly and about to snap. Getting angry at such trivial matters in the grand scheme of things. But he gets it, Mao doesn't trust them and he doesn't have to, necessarily. After the things Knights has put Trickstar through in the past, even after the magazine article drama that was recently solved the other day, it's justifiable.

"I'm not only protecting myself being an idol, I'm protecting us."

He knows. If people found out it could ruin them. They could never do any thing with each other in the idol world, never be seen together in public and that's terrifying. Ritsu doesn't want to hear it anymore. With a blank look on his face, his will to remain calm diminishes. _Enough—_

He shoves his two fingers into Mao's mouth to shut him up for good, another pointless conversation where they just can't see eye to eye. Instead of running and hiding like he always does, he feels the violence lashing out in his veins. He presses his fingers in a little too hard towards the back of Mao's throat, he coughs and sputters, chest heaving, coughing into his hand.

Ritsu immediately feels horrible, going to kiss Mao's cheek and scooping him upright to rub his back, before rubbing his cheek against Mao's.

"I'm sorry, Maa-kun. I didn't mean to do that." It doesn't change the fact that he's seething, pissed off at Mao, but that doesn't mean he would ever want to intentionally hurt the most precious person to him. Mao doesn't say anything in response, he only rolls his eyes, but Ritsu desperately craves a more heated reaction from him, something, anything, so he kisses him again, his nose presses up against Mao's cheek.

The third thing they fought about which led them here, Ritsu can't even really explain the reason when he thinks about it...It all bubbling over and spilling out at once.

Mao puts on so much of a front, it's like he doesn't even know who Ritsu is as of recently. He doesn't understand Ritsu, all in all. And when Ritsu confronts him he even has the nerve to act like he doesn't know what Ritsu is taking about, same as always. He didn't wake Ritsu up and let him sleep instead of making sweets with their units, out of Ritsu's best interest because he wasn't feeling good, he knows that. But deep down, something annoying nagging at the back of his mind, it's because Mao doesn't want to be around Ritsu while they're with their units after that comment, a ridiculous thought to even worry about.

So, Ritsu says even more things he can't quite remember, something about Mao just using him for his own self-respect, all out of spite. All that pent up resentment has led him here, turned heated and desperately grinding against each other in the infirmary bed, Ritsu on top of Mao, arms shaking to keep himself up. Fast and rougher than normal, not so sweet and careful like he usually is in bed with Mao, it's carnal and brutal and full of anger, but he figures he has to vent these frustrations somewhere.

Mao starts laughing, breaking away from Ritsu's lips and Ritsu is confused as to why, but he doesn't back away from Mao.

"You think you're gonna fuck me—that I would let you, knowing that you're mad at me?" Mao scoffs and Ritsu clicks his tongue at the resentment in his voice.

Sure, they fight and argue like couples normally do, but this is a first for them. Usually, the make-up sex—that's one of the most passionate and intense times they share together—would come after they actually make up.

Ritsu doesn't plan on making up right now. They haven't made up for days and days and things keep getting worse. He won't admit to being wrong, or apologize for how he feels until dense Mao realizes how Ritsu feels, he couldn't care less if Mao is mad at him only for now.

Just like he knows that Mao could never truly come to hate Ritsu, he knows that Mao's worst fear is being hated, but Mao also knows that Ritsu could _never_ , despite anything he does and never would. So for now, he's just going to keep feeding into his instincts, his desires, the swelling in the air, the reason for why he's turned on right now.

He grips up Mao's wrists and pins them above his head, pressing all of his upper body weight on Mao. His knee goes in between Mao’s legs, so harsh and quickly to the point where Mao yelps. Mao’s face immediately turns bright red, a tempting blush.

Ritsu realizes, and actually thanks god, that Mao is just bluffing.

"Don't act like you don't want it, too." He growls, low and threatening, rubbing his knee down where Mao's hips buck up in response.

Mao keens, his head lolling back. The long expanse of the skin of his neck is exposed and wide open, ready and practically waiting to be sunken into with Ritsu’s teeth. Ritsu lunges at him but stops. He considers leaving angry bruises, bites all over Mao’s skin, his neck, under the jaw above the collarbone. Make them impossible to hide, just to spite Mao, claim Mao for himself for everyone to see, how would Mao be able to deny being with Ritsu with those marks littering his skin? Or, he could just end this and turn Mao into his vampire underling, his bride. Mao is his, and he's sick of these senseless arguments, so he should, but stops. He won’t do anything against Mao’s will and he’s bluffing too.

However, it's still _so_ tempting, he starts mouthing and nipping at Mao’s collarbones instead. He doesn't need to add more things for Mao to be angry about.

The more they grind against each other, grossly and ungraceful, like they’re inexperienced again, Mao’s moans get more breathless by the second, feeding in to Ritsu continuing.

"What is it, Maa~kun~. You can say no and I'll stop. Come on, come on~. Tell me no already, like you always do, Mao." Mao’s actual given name tastes so sour in his mouth, he only rarely uses it when he’s serious. Ritsu sneers, fangs digging into his own lip, provoking Mao.

"God, Ritsu... Don't stop." It's weak, an admittance of giving in to Ritsu, hinted with just a bit of shame. His eyebrows furrow and Ritsu kisses in between them. He's gentle for a moment, only before a snap of his hips, layers of clothes rubbing against clothes but it's still so raw and nearly painful, it's what Ritsu deserves as he presses harder—He moans, head dropping to Mao's shoulder.

There's some shuffling, scarce removing of some of their own clothes, rushing but needed preparations are done, it all happens so fast until they're both under a white sheet, breathing into each other's space. Mao grips the back of his jacket, Ritsu lines himself up in between Mao's thighs. There's no where else to go, no where to run and hide, it's just the both of them here to face each other.

Ritsu slides into him and Mao grips him tighter, holding on while staring Ritsu right in the face, a steely-ness behind his eyes, gritting his teeth. He just looks so... Tired. Maybe he really is worried about Ritsu, maybe the fighting is taking a toll on him as much as it's taking a toll on Ritsu.

There's an intensity in here, stifling, and not like the good kind. It's a more nervous, more reckless kind, the kind that feels like a cord being pulled taut, threatening to snap any second.

Bodies move in their usual tandem, pleasure building, Ritsu makes sure he thrusts in as deep and as hard as possible, long strokes that have Mao's eyes squeezing shut. It's so intense under this sheet, blazing in temperature, Ritsu's face feels so hot as a single bead of sweat drips from the tip of his nose onto Mao's cheek. It's more quiet than usual between them, none of the usual banter or sweet nothings, Ritsu thinks if he says anything he's going to ruin the moment, tensions are still higher than ever, he doesn't want to ruin this with Mao, at least. They're only focused on the feeling, of feeling each other.

Ritsu really hopes Mao feels it, as he pounds into him relentlessly, he hopes Mao feels how much he loves him despite everything they're going through. Despite how cold and harsh Ritsu's words may be, Ritsu's hand threads in Mao's hair, the other wrapping around Mao's pulsing length. Ritsu could just keep it up, seek out the building pleasure and reach that gratification for the both of them, but he slows down instead. he hesitates before taking the dive of the deep end, wondering if it's really the appropriate time to do this.

"Sometimes, it feels like, you don't even love me anymore. Like instead of pretending we're not together, we actually aren't together."

He doesn’t normally vocalize his fears like this, so bluntly and right to the point. Ritsu says vindictively and he knows he's wrong, but just like Mao can't help his self-sacrificing, he can't help the things he does out of spite sometimes.

Ritsu always said that Mao could give him some of his burdens, but something like this, their shared burden, it's too much sometimes. It always makes him worry, that he's not enough for Mao. That he's just with him out of pity for Ritsu pining after him all this years. It scares him, more than anything.

"In the end, you'd choose being an idol and Trickstar over me."

"How could you fucking say that—" Mao says bitterly, his voice cracking, fingers digging painfully into Ritsu's shoulders. He sounds, genuinely hurt, which Ritsu didn’t really expect. He expected Mao to just brush it off or call him crazy, or to even just apologize for it, but maybe it’s too serious of an accusation for him to handle.

_Ah, he's really done it now,_ Ritsu really has dug himself into a hole he's not sure he can get out of. Did he really have to be so selfish in putting only his feelings first? He doesn't even know how Mao feels until Ritsu sees his gaze falter and his bottom lip start to tremble. Maybe these feelings aren’t as one sided as Ritsu thinks, and he shouldn't be assuming everything.

In an apology, Ritsu kisses him deeply, moving slowly inside of him. He feels the wetness on his cheeks, sweat and tears, he knows for a fact that he's crying at this point, and Mao probably is, too, from the way he sniffles.

"Maa-kun, I'm so sorry." He holds Mao close to his chest. "I'm sorry, I love you...I'm really sorry, I love you." He repeats the words so many times like a soft chant, in between his voice cracking, the tightness in his chest growing more uncomfortable. Because he really does feel that way, and he really needs to work on expressing it better because it’s not fair to Mao. They keep hurting each other like this.

Mao whispers _"Ritchan—"_ and _"I love you too,"_ in between each roll and crash of their bodies coming together. Ritsu is actually shocked, that Mao is still hard even while crying, even still in the mood for this, hasn’t pushed Ritsu away and told him to never speak to him again. He pumps his hand around Mao while thrusting, he's so close, but he's already made up his mind to get them off at the same time.

He thinks, in a pathetic attempt, it has to work, they have to still be in sync, somehow. Each thrust and each sob from his mouth is silently begging for Mao—just Mao, and Mao alone.

It doesn't take long and he does just that, he fills Mao up and Mao finishes into his hand nearly simultaneously, both of them heaving for air, faces resurfacing from under the infirmary bed sheet. Ritsu collapses half on top of Mao while careful not to put his entire weight on him, he can already feel Mao's chest inflating and exhaling quickly.

He's drained. Mentally. Emotionally. Physically, even more now. His heart is aching. He wishes he just could lay here forever like this, with Mao, inside of him still and reluctant to leave. Peacefully and completely surrounded by each other's company, he misses it.

But he knows, and he won't get his hopes up. He cannot, for right now at least.

He gets Mao redressed, hand reaching to his face while his thumb traces under his eye. He looks wrecked, hair everywhere, face flushed and squinting. Ritsu probably looks just as bad, if not worse. Under his bottom eyelids are puffy, the undeniable evidence of crying, but even more than that, it's the way his eyes glimmer so green and beautiful. It _hurts_ , it was because of Ritsu he cried.

"Go, go on... They're probably looking for you at this point."

Mao gives him a look, a look Ritsu can't quite decipher what it means. Perhaps Mao thinks Ritsu is going to lash out again or something, because he looks terrified.

So, Ritsu places a hand on his head, and then hugs him. Mao hugs him back, sighing into his shoulder. "This doesn't mean we made up though... but go do what you need to do. I'll be waiting for you on the Halloween stage, I hope you'll see me there."

Mao bites his lip and nods, before standing, Ritsu knows he wants to say something back, a disagreement that he can see from the look on his face. But ultimately, he gives up.

"I'll see you later, Ritchan." He leans down gingerly places a kiss on Ritsu’s cheek.

And with that he's gone.

Ritsu curls up in the empty bed, Mao's warmth from where he was laying in still here. Maybe some time apart from each other will be good, he supposes, so they won't be at each other's throats until they make up for good.

A few tears fall from the corner of his eye onto the pillow, closing his eyes, he hopes it's Mao who comes back to wake him up when the time is right.

**Author's Note:**

> SORRY sorry um I wrote this around Halloween and well not my best work in my opinion because it’s on the heavier side but. I wanted them to fight .Idk don’t blame me for this blame Akira sensei for making Mao and ritsu fight again like gay babies, gay baby fight. don’t worry they love each other very much and things happen lol  
> there IS a happy ending they got married at the end of horror Halloween Yay  
> edit* fixed one part closer to the end that made mao sound a bit OOC ごめん


End file.
